Wall Street Hires Witch Doctor To Stop BAC

A secret coalition of Wall Street groups and analysts have hired a witch doctor to put a hex on Bank of America.

A source, who wished to remain anonymous, confirmed the unbelievable tale.

Why was the hex placed on Bank of America?

• Wall Street has always disliked Bank of America because of its roots to Charlotte, North Carolina. The New York crowd views BAC as a hillbilly bank.

• BAC shares have risen over 10% in three months. Most analysts did not call for this.

• The lawsuit era is over. BAC has no more major litigation to keep the stock pinned down.

• Brian Moynihan has turned out to be a very effective CEO. With his Boston connections and puzzling decision making, Moynihan is a force to be reckoned with. 

• Wall Street is terrified of July 15, 2015. This is the day that Bank of America will release second quarter earnings. Imagine if they were to report over $5 billion in profits.

When told about the story, Brian Moynihan laughed out loud and said that he would let the world in on a secret. "Wall Street can have their witch doctor and all his hocus pocus spells and charts. Bank of America has something even more powerful." Moynihan then proceeded to pull something from his pocket and said only one word,

"BOO!"