Bank of America's stock appreciated in value for a second consecutive month. General Moynihan was quick to take credit for the unprecedented achievement in 2015.
Excerpt from Moynihan's comments
"Two is a special number. It is greater than one.
I have two eyes.
I have two ears.
I have two arms.
I have two legs.
I have two feet.
I have two testicles. And I am pretty sure that they are bigger than yours.
I have two butt cheeks. Wall Street can kiss both of them.
I have delivered two solid months of gains. This company is on a streak. The younger people probably don't know about the importance of streaking. Back during the 1970's, we believed in streaking, but it went out of style.
Well, styles have a habit of coming back. I have brought profits back in style at this company. I have brought stock appreciation back to this company. And now I shall bring streaking back to pay homage to our achievements."
(Note: Moynihan then proceeded to remove his clothing and ran two laps around the room while the song "Celebration", by Kool and the Gang, blared from the speakers.)
Lionel Nowell, III, a member of the board, appeared to be suffering from shock as Moynihan galloped around the room. Afterwards, Nowell released the following statement to the press:
"I still don't know what the hell happened. I was not prepared for it. We didn't do sh*t like that at Pepsi. The man literally removed his clothing and ran around the room. He didn't even have a tan. I tried not to look, but I saw his junk bouncing up and down. I will never get that image out of my head."
STATS: May 2015
Initial Price: $15.93
Ending Price: $16.50
Percent Gain: 3.6%
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